Your Utmost Life

Breaking the Shame Cycle: Why Seeking Help Is Your Superpower

• Misty Celli • Episode 14

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Shame has a way of silencing us—especially when speaking up would serve us most. Have you ever tucked away a self-help book when someone walked in? Or made a casual excuse for that personal growth video that “just started playing”? That tiny flicker of concealment reveals something deeper: a quiet belief that needing help means you’re somehow broken.

This belief is part of a cultural myth that strong women should figure it all out alone—and it creates the perfect trap. You can’t grow without acknowledging where you’re struggling, but acknowledging it feels like confirming your inadequacy.

The irony? The most successful, confident, fulfilled people in the world aren’t avoiding help—they’re intentionally seeking it. In fact, 94% of top performers work with coaches. The strongest women don't avoid help—they embrace it as their superpower.

For years, I lived behind a “perfect” image while silently struggling, believing that if I were truly strong, I wouldn’t need support. But the breakthrough came when I realized this: asking for help isn't weakness—it’s wisdom.

In this episode (and this post), we’ll walk through five transformative practices that will help you shift your relationship with support:

  1. Conscious Awareness
  2. Building an Evidence Portfolio
  3. Reframing Help as Strategic Growth
  4. Graduated Exposure
  5. Embracing Discomfort as Growth

You’ll discover that the discomfort you feel when reaching out isn’t a sign to pull back—it’s proof that you’re standing at the edge of real, powerful growth.

So this week, when shame about needing support tries to creep in, pause and remind yourself: This isn’t weakness—this is wisdom.
Being an Utmost Woman isn’t about having it all together. It’s about doing what matters, from a place rooted in who you truly are.

What if you’re not broken at all? What if… you’ve just been buried?

✨ Take one small step toward support this week—listen to a podcast, journal, or open up to someone you trust. Growth doesn’t have to be big to be brave.

📲 Share this episode with a friend who needs to know she’s not broken—just buried. Let her know she’s not alone.

🔗 Follow along on Instagram for daily encouragement and behind-the-scenes heart-to-hearts: @yourutmostself

🎧 Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a conversation that reminds you who you are.

✨ Continue your journey at Your Utmost Self - free resources, articles, and more.

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What if you're still overwhelmed, not because you're broken, but because you've been believing you must fix it all alone? The strongest women don't avoid help. They embrace it as part of their journey. Have you ever hidden a self-help book when someone walked into the room? Or you've made up an excuse about personal development? You know the YouTube video you're watching. Oh, I don't know how that popped up. It's so frustrating when these random videos just start playing.

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That little moment of shame, that split second decision to conceal, speaks volumes about a belief that might be holding you back in ways you haven't even realized. For years, I lived by a rule I never consciously chose Strong women don't need help. I didn't say it out loud, but it ran everything. I smiled, I served and I showed up, all while secretly wondering why does everyone else seem to have it together? And the harder life felt, the more I blamed myself for being unable to figure it out. Today we're diving deep into a belief that quietly shapes how you show up in every part of your life the idea that needing help means you're broken or weak. This invisible thought is keeping you stuck, isolated and exhausted. It's costing you connection, growth and the peace that comes from embracing your humanity instead of hiding it. In this episode, we're going to expose the quiet shame underneath that belief and replace it with the truth. By the end of our time together, you will not only understand why seeking help isn't a sign of failure, but you'll have a completely new perspective that transforms seeking help into one of the most courageous, wise decisions you can make and one of your greatest strengths. And by the end, you won't just understand the lie, you'll feel empowered to release it and reclaim your power with peace instead of perfection.

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Motherhood is a gift, but let's be honest it can also leave you feeling overwhelmed, invisible and disconnected from the woman you once were. If you ever wondered who am I beyond being a mom, know this you are not alone. Welcome to your Upmost Life. I'm Misty, a mom just like you, who has faced chaos, self-doubt and the loss of identity, hitting rock bottom and emerging stronger, with clarity, confidence and purpose. Each week, we will explore practical tools and transformative truths to help you reclaim your identity, rebuild your confidence and rediscover the joy that lights you up. On this journey together, you'll break free from overwhelm, embrace your worth and step fully into the most authentic version of yourself. Through heartfelt conversations and actionable strategies, you will learn how to design a life that excites and fulfills you, a life where you become the woman you were always meant to be, because you're not just a mom. You are so much more, and if you're ready to embrace her, let's get started.

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Let's start with this the belief that if you need help, it means something is wrong with you is not your fault, but it's not your truth either. This belief that needing help means you're broken didn't appear in your mind by accident. We live in a culture obsessed with self-sufficiency Pull up your bootstraps, figure it out on your own, don't air your dirty laundry. These messages bombard us from childhood, creating an impossible standard where asking for help becomes equated with failure. We live in a culture that rewards the appearance of strength, not the reality of wholeness, that celebrates the high-functioning mom who's falling apart behind the closed doors but shames the woman who reaches out for help as if she's weak. This isn't strength, it's survival in a costume. But what if I told you, this belief is what's actually keeping you stuck?

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The strongest women don't avoid help. They recognize when old beliefs are holding them back. Here's the truth that changed things for me. The most successful, fulfilled and genuinely strong people are precisely those who actively seek growth, feedback and support. Did you know that 94% of top performers across the fields, from Olympic athletes to Fortune 500 CEOs, work with coaches? The world's most accomplished individuals aren't avoiding help. They're strategically seeking it to accelerate their progress and overcome blind spots. These leaders understand what we're learning today.

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The strongest women don't avoid help. They strategically seek it. The real weakness isn't needing guidance. It's letting pride or fear prevent you from accessing the very resources that would help you thrive. When you believe that needing self-help makes you broken, you create a perfect trap. You can't improve without acknowledging areas for growth, but acknowledging those areas feels like you're confirming your brokenness. It's a cycle designed to keep you stuck. The truth is, you're not broken for needing support. You're wise for recognizing you deserve more than barely hanging on. This recognition is a testament to your intelligence and self-awareness. What if, instead, we recognize that seeking help isn't about being broken, but about being brave enough to pursue your highest potential? What if the strongest thing you could do isn't pretending to have it all figured out, but have the courage to say I am committed to becoming better? The strongest women don't avoid help because they understand that vulnerability is the birthright of growth. Let me share something personal.

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For years, I maintained what looked like a perfect life from the outside Career, success, marriage, health, all the boxes checked, but behind closed doors. I was drowning in anxiety that I had told no one about. I wake up at 3 am with my heart racing and I was thinking about work situations or family tensions, convinced that if I were stronger, if I was just better, I'd handle these feelings better. Let me tell you something else I never said out loud. I used to hide my personal development books under my bed, not because I didn't believe in growth, but because I didn't want anyone to see that I was looking for answers. I felt like I was a betrayal of this unwritten rule, that I should already be enough. But here's the deeper truth I wasn't reading those books because I was broken. I was reading them because I refused to stay broken. I was fighting for myself, quietly, invisibly, shamefully, and that's what breaks my heart about this belief.

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We've been taught to be embarrassed by the very thing that's meant to heal us. Maybe you're doing the same thing, telling your family you're going to target, but really sitting in your car crying, skipping over therapy recommendations because you don't want to explain to your husband Closing tabs on your browser when someone walks by because they might see you're reading about anxiety or identity loss. I remember reading a book on body dysmorphia disorder and hiding it when someone came home. That small moment captured everything about how this belief operates in our lives, Creating isolation exactly when connection would help us the most. You are not alone and you are not weak. You are just living inside a system that equates needing help with being defective. But remember there are countless others who share your struggles and understand your journey.

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When I finally reached out for help first through books, then podcasts and eventually therapy, I felt this strange mix of relief and shame. Relieved that there were answers, frameworks and support available, shame that I needed them at all. I secretly struggled with imposter syndrome for years. I'd built an impressive life and career, but my lived in constant fear of being found out as inadequate. I hesitated for years before sharing my fears because I felt like seeking help meant that I was confirming my worst fears about myself that I wasn't good enough. The irony when I stopped hiding my fears and started sharing them, my confidence transformed, my work performance improved and I received a promotion. I'd been waiting for the very act I'd feared that would expose my weakness became the catalyst for my greatest strength.

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That's what living under this belief does to us. It creates isolation when we need connection, stagnation when we crave growth. A facade of competency that requires enormous strength and energy to maintain, recurring problems that never truly resolve and relationships that remain surface level because we're afraid to be authentically human. And here's what's truly heartbreaking this belief creates a world where everyone is pretending to have it all figured out, reinforcing the illusion that you're the only one struggling and behind closed doors. Nearly everyone is facing challenges they don't know how to navigate alone. You're not alone and you are not weak. You're just living inside a system that equates needing help with being defective. So how do we begin dismantling this belief that's been so deeply ingrained in our thinking? Let me share five transformative approaches that can help you embrace growth without shame. Remember, the strongest women don't avoid help. They transform their relationship with it. Here's how you can do the same. Practice number one is conscious awareness how the strongest women recognize their patterns.

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Your healing doesn't begin with action. It begins with awareness. Start paying attention to the exact moments this belief surfaces in your day-to-day life. When does shame whisper that you should know better? When do you hesitate to ask a question or hide the fact that you're reading a self-help book or listening to a podcast? When do you tell yourself I'll figure it out alone? This is not about judgment. It's about data. Awareness of the emotional sting or the quiet retreat into isolation helps you recognize that this belief is not you. It's something you've inherited. As you observe these patterns without criticism, you'll start to see how persuasive this thinking has been and how it shaped your choices. When you can identify the belief in action, it loses some of its invisible power over you. Awareness loosens its grip and gives you the power to choose a different way forward. The simple act of noticing oh, there's that belief again creates space between you and the thought, space where new choices become possible.

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Practice two is evidence portfolio. This is how the strongest women document their growth. If you've ever doubted whether reaching out works, it's time to gather the receipts. Create a living document, what I call a growth resume. This is going to capture every time seeking support led to a positive outcome in your life. Document the books that opened your eyes, mentors who spoke truth into you or conversations that shifted something deep inside when your inner critic questions your need for help, this resume becomes your personal evidence, counter to the shame narrative. Alongside this, intentionally seek out role models who normalize continuous learning and growth, people who openly discuss their journey's challenges and the support they're receiving. Follow women who tell the whole story, not just the polished parts. Listen to interviews where leaders talk about their therapists, coach and breakdowns. Read books that center healing, not just achievements. If all you see are the highlight reels and the effortless success, your belief will stay stuck in shame. But exposure to real, raw narrative shifts your internal compass. Over time, your definition of strength evolves from self-sufficiency to self-awareness. These combined practices help reset your understanding of what strength actually looks like in the real world, not just in a cultural mythology.

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Practice three is reframing help. This is how the strongest women view support differently. It's time to stop calling it self-help. Call it self-honor. Transform how you conceptualize seeking support by shifting your language. When you reach for support, you are not fixing a broken version of yourself, but investing in the truest version. Think of it as strategic resource gathering. The same way, a great CEO surrounds herself with advisors, consultants and trusted guides, not because she's weak, but because she's wise. You weren't meant to carry everything alone, and real success isn't built in silence. It's built in connection. Explore the roots of your resistance through reflective questions like when did I first learn that needing help was shameful, who modeled that belief for me, and what were their limitations? This work isn't about blame, but about understanding. Most of us inherit these beliefs from people doing their best with limited perspectives, but we can be the generation that breaks the pattern and build something better. This reframing isn't just semantic. It's transformative. When seeking help becomes strategic growth, everything shifts your emotions around it, your willingness to engage in it and, ultimately, the results you experience from it.

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Practice four is graduated exposure, and this is how the strongest women begin their journey. Sometimes we're not ready to publicize our growth, and that is okay. Begin with what I call stealth growth. It's accessing resources in a way that feels safe. While you're still working through the shame, Listen to podcasts on your walk, read quietly, reflect privately. These are not lesser steps. They are wise bridges that lead you gently from isolation into integration. At some point, visibility becomes part of the healing, not because you owe anyone any explanation, but because hiding reinforces shame. When you feel ready, try one of these. Mention a podcast you're loving, in conversation with a trusted friend. Leave a comment on a post that moved you. Write in your journal what would I want my daughter to believe about asking for help? You'll realize quickly these aren't just actions. They are tiny acts of rebellion against a belief that never served you. Each one plants a seed of liberation and gradually normalizes growth as part of your identity. Key is progression at your own pace. Honor where you are while gently challenging yourself to move forward. Each step makes the next one easier.

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Practice five is embracing discomfort. This is how the strongest women grow through challenge. Pay attention to the language you use with yourself. I should be past this by now. Why can't I get it together? These are shame scripts and they sound a lot like voices you've heard before. Recognize that the discomfort you feel when seeking help isn't a warning sign. It's evidence of growth at the edge of your comfort zone. Instead of these shame scripts, try this replacement. This is me choosing healing over hiding. And that's not weakness, it's wisdom. That discomfort you feel when you reach out, it's not a sign you're doing something wrong. It's a sign you're doing something different, something your nervous system hasn't yet learned to be labeled as safe, but it will.

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You retrain your body and beliefs. With every courageous step, you see help as valuable and necessary. Growth doesn't happen inside the comfort zone. It happens at the edge, where the shame gets loud and your choice to move forward anyway becomes the most powerful act of self-honor you can make. The journey to transform this belief isn't about dramatic, overnight change. It's about consistent, small steps that gradually normalize seeking growth in your life. With each positive experience, the old belief weakens and a new, more powerful perspective takes its place. You are not weak for needing help. You're evolving beyond the outdated myths that kept you silent, and every small choice to reach, ask, share or seek is rewriting your story, one empowered act at a time. The key is to take consistent, small steps that gradually normalize seeking growth in your life. With each positive experience, the old belief weakens and a new, more powerful belief takes its place. And remember this crucial truth the discomfort you feel when seeking help isn't a sign you shouldn't do it. It's often a sign you're growing beyond limiting patterns. Growth happens at the edge of comfort, not within it.

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Imagine for a moment what your life would look like if you completely reversed this belief, if you viewed seeking help and continuous growth, not as signs of weakness, but as the ultimate expressions of strength and self-respect. What becomes possible when you're no longer exhausting yourself, maintaining an illusion of having it all figured out, and what relationships might deepen when you allow yourself to be more authentically human with others? What persistent challenges might finally resolve when you access the right support? When you shift this belief, you one experience the profound relief of authentic living rather than consistent performance. Two, you form deeper connections based on genuine sharing rather than curated impressions. You access tools and perspectives that resolve long-standing challenges. You model a healthy behavior for your children, partners and community. You redirect the mass of energy previously spent hiding struggles toward actual growth. You discover strengths and gifts that were obscured by shame and isolation, and you begin making decisions from wisdom rather than fear.

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The truth is, we're all works in progress. Every single human being on this planet is figuring out. As they go, they're facing challenges and learning through experience. The most fulfilled people aren't those who need the least help, those who are wise enough to seek it, brave enough to apply it and generous enough to share what they learn with others. When you embrace this truth, you don't just transform your own life. You become permission givers for others. Your willingness to be authentically engaged in growth creates ripples that extend far beyond your personal experience. And consider this what is the alternative? A life defined by avoidance rather than engagement, relationships limited by performance rather than connection, challenges that persist because pride prevents the resolution. Is this really the legacy you want to leave? The most powerful question you can ask yourself is this if seeking help actually reflects courage rather than weakness, how might that change the decisions you make, starting today?

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We begin this episode by discussing the moment we hide a self-help book or make excuses about therapy, those small but significant ways we perpetuate the belief that needing help means we're somehow broken or weak. But, as we've explored together, the truth is powerfully different. Your willingness to seek growth, to learn continuously and to gather resources for your journey aren't signs of deficiency. They're expressions of self-respect, courage and wisdom. They reflect not who you are now, but who you are committed to becoming.

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The strongest people I know aren't those who never struggle. They're those who face their challenges directly, with all the support they need. They understand that humans weren't designed to figure everything out in isolation. We were made for connection, for learning and for continuous evolution together. So I invite you to make one slight shift this week. Notice when shame about seeking growth arises and gently remind yourself this isn't weakness, this is wisdom. Perhaps choose one area where you've been struggling alone and take one small step toward getting support, whether through a book, a conversation or professional guidance. Remember your willingness to grow isn't evidence of brokenness. It's proof of your courage and commitment to living as your utmost self. And that begins when you stop asking what's wrong with me and start asking what if I'm not broken but buried? Being an utmost woman doesn't mean doing it all. It means doing what matters, rooted in who you truly are. You are not too much, you are not too late and you most certainly are not weak. You are rising.