Your Utmost Life

Invisible Mom: How Your Value Becomes Your Legacy

• Misty Celli • Episode 31

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Your Self-Worth Becomes Your Legacy

You're teaching your children that a woman's worth comes from her productivity. That being needed equals being valuable. That rest is selfish. That saying no is failure.

And you don't even realize you're doing it.

Every family gathering where you exhaust yourself. Every moment you make yourself smaller. Every time you apologize for taking up space. Your children are watching—and learning the WRONG lesson about what women deserve.

The value you claim (or deny) for yourself today becomes the legacy your children carry for generations. This episode reveals the hidden belief system keeping you stuck, the devastating cost of continuing it, and the ONE decision you can make today to change your legacy forever.

Not for the faint of heart. Only for moms ready to stop performing and start living.

We challenge the belief that a woman’s value is earned through productivity and being needed, and show how that belief becomes a legacy children absorb. A personal turning point leads to five truths about inherent worth and a practical path to choose a new legacy with one decision today.

• hidden worth equation that ties value to doing
• how children learn self-worth by watching us
• signs of conditional worth: over-apology, compulsive yes, guilt for rest
• the move-and-crisis story that exposed emptiness
• five truths: inherent worth, constancy, acceptance, self-assigned value, modeling
• practical shifts: boundaries, rest, kinder self-talk, needs included
• one worth-based decision to start change today

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SPEAKER_00:

Your children are still watching. They may not live under your roof anymore. They may only come home for special occasions, but they're watching how you navigate life. They're watching what you believe about your own worth. And right now, whether you realize it or not, you're teaching them that a woman's worth comes from her productivity, from her performance, from how much she can do and how well she can do it. You're teaching that being needed equals being valuable, that rest is selfish, that saying no is failure, and that prioritizing yourself means you're not a good mother. Here's the devastating part. The value that you assess for yourself right now, the worth that you claim or deny, is writing the script for how your children will value themselves and the women in their lives for generations to come. If you are tired of feeling like you don't know who you are anymore, and when you look in the mirror, you think, is this all there is? Welcome to your MOS Life Podcast. My name is Misty Chelle, and I will help you step into your highest potential and design the life that you were meant to live, one that feels true, rich, and deeply satisfying. This podcast will give you the principles and strategic tools to see true and lasting success in the areas of health, relationships, confidence, goals, all the way to topics like growth, purpose, love, parenting, and more. This is the place that you start the process of becoming your utmost self and living a life that you love by design, non-default. This is your Utmost Life Podcast. Welcome. Today we are talking about your self-worth and how it becomes your legacy. Let me be direct with you about something you probably haven't even realized. Every time that you exhaust yourself to make everything perfect for everyone else, your children are watching. Every time that you say, I'm fine, when you're clearly not, they're watching. And every time that you make yourself smaller so everyone else can be comfortable, they're learning. And what they're learning is this a woman's value comes from what she does. Being needed equals being valuable. Your needs don't matter as much as everyone else's. You think that you're showing them what love looks like. You think that you're teaching them to be generous and giving. You think that you are being a good mom. But what you're actually teaching them is that your worth is conditional. You have to earn it every single day through performance and productivity. And I know that's not what you want for them. I know that you don't want your daughter to spend her life apologizing for existing. You don't want your son to think that women in their life should exhaust themselves to prove their value. You don't want them to hit 40, 50, 60 years old and realize that they have spent their entire lives trying to earn something that they already had. But that's the legacy you're leaving right now. Not because you're a bad mother, not because you don't love them, but because you're running on a hidden belief that you don't even know you're doing. You're leaving, you're living with this belief system that says, my worth comes from what I do, how much I do, and how well I do it. And that belief is showing up in everything. How you host family gatherings, how you respond when someone needs you, how you prioritize or don't prioritize yourself, how you speak about yourself when you think no one's listening. Your children see all of it. Let me tell you what this actually looks like in your daily life, because I've been there. You are saying yes to everything, every request, every opportunity to help, every chance to make someone else happy. Because saying yes makes you feel valuable, makes you feel needed, makes you feel like you matter. You work yourself to exhaustion, making sure that every detail is perfect. The house is spotless, the meals are amazing, every event is flawless, every need is anticipated and met. Because if you can do it perfectly, then you're valuable. You apologize constantly for things that aren't even your fault. I am sorry, has become your default response to everything. Because deep down, you believe that your existence is an inconvenience that you have to make up for through constant service. You scroll social media at night comparing yourself to other women, women who seem to have it all together, women who seem to be confident and purposeful, and you think, what's wrong with me? Why can't I be like that? You're never re you never realize that they're probably doing the exact same thing. You feel guilty whenever you can do anything for yourself. Take time to read, it's selfish. Going for a walk alone, it's selfish. Resting and recharging, it's selfish because if you are not doing something for someone else, you are wasting your value. And after every family gathering, after every special occasion, after every time you pour yourself out for everyone else, you feel that hollow ache, that emptiness, that sense of I did everything right. So why do I feel so wrong? But you never stop to ask why you feel that way. You just assume something is wrong with you. Here's what I need you to understand: you have been running on this equation your entire life without even knowing it. My worth equals what I do and how well I do it, plus how much I'm needed. And that equation is killing you. But worse than that, it's the legacy that you're leaving. I know this because I lived it. When I became pregnant with my first child, something shifted in me. I felt whole in a way I'd never felt before. I felt like I finally had a purpose, I had a reason to exist, and I had a role that mattered. And for the next 20 years, I threw myself into that role with everything I had. I became the mom, the caretaker, the one who made everything happen, the one who kept everyone's lives running smoothly. Well, mine, well, mine sort of just kind of disappeared into the background. But I didn't see it that way at the time. I thought I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I thought that's what love looked like. I thought that's what good mothers did. I thought that my worth came from how much I could do for everyone else. For years I believed that, and for years it worked. Or at least I thought that it did. Because as long as I was needed, as long as I was doing, as long as everyone else was happy, I felt valuable, I felt important, I felt like I mattered, but I had built my entire sense of worth on a foundation that was going to crumble. And it did. My husband and I moved our family across the country from Montana to Houston. It was a new state, it was a new city, there was no support system, no one to carry the load that I had been carrying alone for years. And within months of that move, everything fell apart. My marriage was on the brink of divorce. We were all struggling with the transition, and I felt like the entire success or failure of that move was my responsibility to control. I did what I had always done. I tried to fix it, I tried to do more, I tried to be more, work harder, sacrifice more, control more. If I could just make the house perfect, maybe my husband would be happy. If I could just manage the kids' emotions better, maybe they would adjust. If I could just do enough, maybe everything would be okay. But it wasn't working. One day, I will never forget this. I was sitting on my couch after everyone had left for the day. The house was clean, the laundry was done, the meals were prepped, and the doing was done. And then I just broke. I sat there crying, asking myself a question I had never let myself ask before. Does my value get used up? Did I use it up? Did I have any value left to offer? And had I given everything I had, which is why now everything was falling apart. It was a terrifying question. That day on the couch, I realized something that had changed that changed everything. I realized that this empty, hollow feeling wasn't because of the move or the marriage crisis or the transition. It was a feeling that had been there for years. Every special occasion, I'd feel it. After the preparation, after the perfect meal, after everyone went back to their lives, I'd stand in my clean kitchen and feel empty, like I'd missed something, like I'd been performing in a play instead of actually living my life. I had been running on this belief my entire adult life without even knowing it. And then, kneeling on the bathroom floor, scrubbing the tub with tears streaming down my face, another realization hit me like a freak train. I was teaching my children the exact same equation. Without meaning to, without realizing it, without wanting to. I was showing them that a woman's value comes from what she does, that being needed equals being valuable, that rest is selfish, that your needs don't matter as much as everyone else's. Oh my goodness, what was I doing? As I sat there on the edge of the tub, five truths hit me all at once. Truths that I'd intellectually known but had never really fully accepted, didn't think about. The first truth is my worth isn't earned. It's inherent. I was born with value. I didn't have to do anything to deserve it. I didn't have to prove it. I didn't have to earn it. My existence alone makes me valuable. That was revolutionary because I had spent decades believing I had to earn my right to take up space on this planet. The second truth, my worth doesn't waver. It doesn't go up when I achieve something. It doesn't go down when I fail. It doesn't increase when I'm productive. It doesn't decrease when I'm resting. My value is constant, unchanging, unshakable. Even if I feel worthless, my worth doesn't actually change. It's always there, whether I accept it or not. The third truth even though my worth is inherent and unchanging, I still have to consciously accept it. This was huge because my worth exists when I believe it or not. But if I don't accept it, I can't access it. It's like having a million dollars in your bank account, but living like you're broke because you don't believe the money is really yours. My worth was always there. I've been living like my worth, I was worthless because I never accepted that my value was inherent. And the fourth belief, the fourth truth, I get to choose the value I assign to myself. The world doesn't get to assign my value. My past doesn't get to assign my value. My mistakes don't get to assign my value. My achievements don't get to assign my value. I decide, I assess, I claim. I have been letting everyone and everything else tell me what I was worth. And I had been accepting an assessment that said, you are valuable when you're useful, when you're needed, when you're performing. But that was never true. I just believed it was. And the fifth truth, my children are learning about self-worth by watching me. They're not learning it by what I'm telling them. They're learning it by what I am showing them. They're watching how I treat myself. They're watching how I speak to myself. They're watching what I accept. They're watching what I tolerate. They're watching what I believe about my own worth and whatever I am demonstrating right now, whether I realize it or not, is a legacy I'm leaving behind. That day became the turning point. I started asking myself some different questions. Instead of how can I do more? How can I be better? How can I be more valuable? I started asking, what would my life look like if I actually believed I was inherently valuable? And that question terrified me because it meant that everything would have to change. If I truly am inherently valuable, I couldn't keep saying yes to everything. If I was truly inherently valuable, I couldn't keep apologizing for existing. If I was truly inherently valuable, I couldn't keep finding my worth and being needed. And if I was truly inherently valuable, I would have to start living like I mattered. Not because of what I did, but because of who I was. And that's when I began the journey. The journey from my worth being doing to accepting my worth as just for being. And here's something that beautiful that happened. Something I truly never expected. When I started valuing myself at the highest level, when I stopped trying to earn my worth and started accepting it as already complete, something shifted. Life changed. Not because my circumstances magically improved, not because people suddenly treated me better, but because I changed the way that I interacted with my life. When I valued myself, I started treating myself at a higher quality. I started making decisions that honored me. I started setting boundaries that protected me. I started pursuing things that fulfilled me. And the outcome of those actions was an improved life. I became genuinely grateful. Not the forced, I should be grateful kind of gratitude, but a deep, overflowing, can't contain it kind of gratitude that comes from finally seeing your life clearly, from finally seeing yourself clearly. The world looked different. It wasn't happening to me anymore. It was happening for me. And I was so valuable that every day was another gift. So let me bring this together. Your self-worth becomes your legacy. The value you assess, the worth that you claim, determines the legacy that you leave behind. And right now, in this moment, you get to choose. You can keep operating from the belief that you need to earn your worth, that your value is conditional, that you should be smaller, quieter, less visible, that love means sacrifice, not inclusion. And if you choose that path, that's the legacy you'll leave. Your children will learn that worth is earned, that women should sacrifice themselves, that needs don't matter, that exhaustion is virtue, that invisibility is love. They will watch you disappear into your roles. They'll see you apologize for taking up space. They'll notice when you skip meals so everyone else can eat first. They'll hear you say, I'm fine when you're drowning. And they will learn that is what women do. That is what love looks like. That is what it means to be good. Or you can choose a different path. You can accept that you are inherently, unchangeably, undeniably valuable. You can step into that worth. You can treat yourself accordingly. You can make decisions that honor you. You can create a life that energizes you instead of drains you. You can show your children what a woman who knows her worth looks like. And if you choose that path, that's the legacy you will leave. Your children will learn that worth is inherent, that women should honor themselves, that needs matter immensely, that rest is productive, that boundaries are healthy, that taking up space is powerful. They will watch you include yourself in your own life equation. They'll see you make decisions that honor your needs alongside everyone else's. They will notice when you say no without apologizing. They'll hear you speak kindly to yourself, and they will learn this is what women deserve. This is what real love looks like. This is what it means to be whole. The choice is yours. But here's what you need to understand. Every single day you wait is another day your children are watching you operate from worthlessness instead of worth. Every family gathering where you exhaust yourself is another data point in their understanding of a woman's value. Every time you apologize for existing is another lesson in self-erasure. And every moment you delay claiming your worth is another moment the wrong legacy is being written. So here's what I want you to do. Not tomorrow, not next week, not when things calm down, right now. I want you to ask yourself this question. What would change if I actually believed that I was inherently valuable? Not what I have to do to become valuable, but what would change if I already am valuable right now as I sit here? How would you treat yourself? How would you speak to yourself? What decisions would you make? What would you say yes to and what would you say no to? What kind of energy would you have with your family? What legacy would you be leaving for your children? And then, here's the critical part: make one decision differently today. Just one. One decision made from worth instead of from worthlessness. Maybe you ask someone else to help you with something instead of doing it yourself. Maybe you take a walk alone because you want to, not because you should. But maybe you say no to a request without apologizing or over-explaining. Maybe you just sit down and actually enjoy time with your family instead of hovering and serving. Maybe you speak kindly to yourself when you make a mistake instead of spiraling into self-criticism. Just one decision made from the truth that you are inherently valuable. Because that's where transformation starts. Not with a massive overhaul, but with one decision and then another and then another. Small decisions made consistently from worth instead of from worthlessness. That's what changes your life. And that's what changes your legacy. Because here's what I need you to hear. The fact that you were listening to this right now tells me that you are ready. You are ready to stop running on the equation that's been exhausting you. You're ready to excavate yourself from the beliefs that buried you. You are ready to claim your worth. You are ready to leave a different legacy. So don't wait. Don't tell yourself, I'll start when things calm down or I'll work on this when I have more time. Your children are watching now. The legacy is being written now. You get to decide right now what that legacy will be. Will it be a legacy of women who believed that she had to earn her worth through endless performance? Or will it be the legacy of a woman who knew her worth and lived accordingly? The choice is yours, but you have to make it today. You are not invisible to me. You are not too much or not enough. You are valuable, you are worthy, you are enough, not because of what you do, but because of you, who you are. And once you accept that, everything changes. Your life changes, your relationships change, your energy changes, and most importantly, your legacy changes. If this episode resonates with you, I would love to continue serving you. Please subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss an episode. Every week we're excavating limiting beliefs, redesigning our lives from worth, and creating the legacy we actually want to lead. And if you know another woman who needs to hear this message, another mom who feels invisible, another woman who's questioning her worth, another person who believes they need to earn their value, please share this episode with them. Because the more women who step into their worth, the more children who grow up with a different blueprint for what worth looks like. And that changes everything. So until next time, remember you are not just everything's everyone. You are someone, someone truly inherently worthy.